"Mulligan, in a game, happens when a player gets a second chance to preform a certain move or action; usually due to lack of skill or bitter luck. A Do Over." Urban Dictionary
Did you ever want to hit that big red button and call for a "do-over"! It's never too late.....you can always take a mulligan as they say in golf. My adult life has been one big do-over. Let me explain.....
I asked my husband once, "Do you look back on your childhood and want to re-do it or re-make it?" His answer - no. My whole adult life has been about having a better life than what I saw and experienced growing up. When I think back to my childhood the emotions that come to my mind are; sad, lonely, scary, confusing and painful. I know that paints a bleak picture. Don't get me wrong; I had times of joy, peace, love, and fun. It's just that those are not the thoughts that first pop into my head.
As I have talked about in other posts, my parents divorced when I was seven years old. I felt abandoned. I remember feeling as if there was a giant hole in my heart that would never heal. But my mom is a prayerful believer in healing, thank goodness. I genuinely think that all of my mom's prayers for the healing of her family were not in vain. My journey to healing began 30 years ago in the very place that I am writing this blog today - Auburn University.
I began to pray my freshmen year that I would meet a mate who was kind and loving. I had a bad history of mean/abusive short-lived boyfriends. I never really had a serious boyfriend up to that point and I am not sure why I started praying for one then. Well, God sure did deliver. I know the theory that we should not look to others to complete us and that we should first be right with ourselves before we settle in with a mate. While in general, I think that is a good idea, it doesn't work that way for everyone. I met my husband when I was eighteen and a freshman in college. This was my first "do-over." For the first time in my life, I felt an unconditional love I had not know. When I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia in college, my now-husband didn't leave me. God bless him as we exited many restaurants abruptly, sat in the cry room at church even though we had no kids, abandoned shopping carts in the grocery, ditched flights halfway through and rented a car home! That.Is.Love!
The "do-overs" have continued with my three beautiful children. From the day they were born, my experience of their lives has healed the child in me that was so broken. I was determined for them to have what I considered to be a normal childhood. Kids.....I pray you felt that way! I was fortunate to be able to be a stay at home mom which was an important part of my healing. After moving around a bit, we settled into the same home for 18 years - the longest I had ever lived anywhere. It felt stable!
And here I am, yet another "do-over"! My fantastic family has let me go back to college! Not just go back to any college, but go back to Auburn and finish what I started 30 years ago! College was a difficult time for me. It wasn't your typical college experience, although, there was a lot of good that came out of it (a post for another day).
I can not adequately express my gratitude for all of these "do-overs"! It has been God's healing hand in my life. And I believe that this healing didn't just miraculously happen. God asked me to work with Him. He said, "I will heal you, but will you work on your healing alongside Me?" I have seen numerous therapists and spent countless hours rehashing it all with my sister and brother. I have worked hard for this healing, and it has all been worth it!
Whatever it is in your life that is in need of a "do-over".... It.Is.Possible! Press the big red button and yell it if you must......DO OVER! MULLIGAN! I promise if you call out to God, He will hear you and He will say to you, "Work with Me, and I will work with you and together we can do this!"